This episode turns the spotlight on the 'red light' narratives that urge us to slam the brakes on our dreams and contrasts them with 'green light' stories that fuel our drive forward.
My *New* Podcast - Become an Irresistible Photography Coach | for photographers who want to pivot into photography education via passive income (online courses, digital products), in-person workshops, group coaching programs or 1:1 coaching programs for photographers:https://www.buzzsprout.com/2374598
This episode turns the spotlight on the 'red light' narratives that urge us to slam the brakes on our dreams and contrasts them with 'green light' stories that fuel our drive forward.
My *New* Podcast - Become an Irresistible Photography Coach | for photographers who want to pivot into photography education via passive income (online courses, digital products), in-person workshops, group coaching programs or 1:1 coaching programs for photographers:https://www.buzzsprout.com/2374598
Welcome to the Six Figure Photographer podcast. I'm your host, skye Edmonds. With 20 years of experience in portrait photography and 16 years as a photographer educator, I have a more holistic approach that addresses the whole photographer, starting from the inside out. The purpose of this podcast is to activate women into their wealth identities as the CEO of their business and to expand their income and their impact through mindset, work, nervous system regulation, energetics, somatic connection and business strategies so that they can step into their next level self and become the bold, visible face of their brand. Hello and welcome to the Six Figure Photographer podcast. Before we begin, I'd like to welcome the 100 or so new subscribers from this past weekend. I'm so glad you're here. I like to think of this podcast as an unconventional photography business podcast. I won't tell you how to price your 8x10s in wall art here, but I will address while your voice shakes when you tell someone new your pricing. I don't believe photographers have a pricing problem per se, but a self-value problem. From this belief, I teach my photographer clients how to run, scale and next level a business from the inside out. So today's episode is almost like a master class. It's their warning you may need to listen and then re-listen. That's how the brain learns best through repetition.
Speaker 1:
So today's topic let's talk about stories. Now, what are stories? Our beliefs are essentially stories that we hold ourselves and believe to be true, good or bad. We weave our stories into a narrative that we tell ourselves about ourselves. We also tell stories about the world and everyone else in it. The stories that we tell either move us forward, moves us back or keeps us stuck right where we are, sometimes for a very long time. These stories become the lenses that we wear. Yes, pun intended, I am speaking to photographers. After all, at the end of the day, stories are beliefs. If you do not have the results you want in your life, we're in your business right now. It's because you've been telling yourself and believing a story about how it is or isn't possible. These stories or beliefs create and define our limitations.
Speaker 1:
You see, humans, we are a meaning making machine. We love to give meaning to everything. Human will give you a side eye at the coffee shop. They must hate you. That client placed a smaller order this time around. They must think you suck. You see a local photographer in Target and they don't say hello. Of course they must be threatened by you.
Speaker 1:
A common question between my husband and I is what are you making that mean? I'll share about something someone did or said, and he'll hit me right between the eyes with this question, and it always brings me back to the truth. I'm telling myself a story that is biased by my beliefs and I'm making it mean something about me. We do this in our business, too, all the time. What gets us in trouble is all the meaning that we make for the normal ups and downs in our business. For example, nine times out of 10, if you raise your prices, especially by 20% or more, chances are you will have a lull in new clients before people start booking again. Now, nine times out of 10, photographers will start freaking out at this point and many will go back to their old pricing. But if you know this lull or void is a common part of business, you can prepare for it. For me, it's a fabulous time to sharpen networking connections or rework my marketing or refine my messaging on my ad copy.
Speaker 1:
Contrary to popular opinion, your actions in life don't create your results. Your stories do. Your beliefs do, because your beliefs create your actions. If you believe people want to buy from you and they have money to spend, your actions may look a lot different than a photographer who believes they need to convince people to book them. And no one has money to spend anyway, so why bother? So why bother? Beliefs Don't build businesses. I assure you. We all know that one photographer who may or may not have exceptional talent, but is absolutely killing it in business.
Speaker 1:
There are two reasons His or her beliefs or his or her energy, energy will cover soon. You can copy everything they do. You can copy their well-written sales script, everything, but you won't have the same results if they have better beliefs than you do, if they tell themselves better stories and they don't make everything mean something negative Clients can sense, even in written form. When you lack belief in yourself or your business, you can't fake it, and this is why I'm here teaching you how to change it. Some photographers falsely believe that if they keep taking action, that will be enough. Yes, action is huge, but eventually the negative beliefs you hold will come through in those actions, especially when you don't see the results you are hoping for right away. Can you hold the energy in the space between your action and your results?
Speaker 1:
Another sticky web many fall into is the trap of basing their confidence about their business on other people's opinions or actions. We are constantly looking for outside evidence In order to feel good about yourself and your business. You need someone to book you, or you need to make a certain amount of money, or you need to hit a certain number of follows on Insta the list goes on. When you hear a no or no response at all, you tell yourself a negative story drenched in meaning about why Soon you start to attach your self-worth to your business, which is the kiss of death. Of course we don't consciously say I am only worthy when my business is thriving and making money. But look at how you treat yourself, what you say to yourself, what thoughts you were thinking and possibly what feelings you were trying to avoid when your business is going through a rough patch.
Speaker 1:
Now here on this podcast, I am very open about my past struggles with my self-worth in business. You see, my self-worth was attached to my business for years like tied with a double knot, kind of attached to my business, the kind of knot you have to use your teeth on to undo. Not only did it strangle the life out of my creativity, even the enjoyment I had just working in my business. It gave my income the throat punch of doom. If I got responses, comments, bookings, then yay, I was enough, all was right in the world. But if I did not, hmm, no-transcript. And if I did not, my work suffered, my marketing suffered. I didn't put myself out there nearly as much Implementing new ideas. Why bother? It was an avoidable train wreck and I was in the driver's seat. The current results you are having in your business are evidence of the stories you've been telling yourself in the past and right now.
Speaker 1:
As humans, we become endlessly dependent on our current evidence, our current circumstance, to tell us how we feel about ourselves and our businesses. Now, I talk about this a lot on the podcast. Remember, repetition is how our brains learn and change. It's a trap using things, events and people outside of us to tell us how we should feel, think and act from within. Now, lean in. This is the good part. True power comes when we start from within, regardless of what your outside circumstances may be screaming at you and deciding I am doing this, I am going to be successful, this is going to work. It is working. Operating a business, a life. From your power, instead of your programming, you become absolutely unstoppable. And, dear listeners, it's 2024. Are you ready to become unstoppable or are you waiting until next year? Let's continue. Negative stories will always lead us to negative results. If you plant apple seeds, you will have one day apple trees. What you sow, you will reap. This is why I teach, thought, work or observing your mind.
Speaker 1:
I spend a lifetime, as do most people, reacting to life instead of responding to it. It's like a life of being on autopilot, and there's no room for things like creativity, innovation, inspiration when you are living life on autopilot. We continue to live life thinking it's the circumstances that are creating our lives and our results, but really it's our thoughts and our feelings about those circumstances that are Like life is happening to us. But is it really? It takes personal responsibility to A become aware of this role and B step out of this role. Many would rather live life as a victim of circumstances and then complain about it to others. After all, sometimes the damsel loves her distress.
Speaker 1:
I remember talking to my therapist several years ago about my stress and overwhelm about an upcoming workshop, and she rocked my world and, low key, pissed me off when she said okay, so what's the payoff for you? Psychology calls it secondary gain. And yes, there was a payoff, I found out. I was too afraid, subconsciously, to state my needs and ask for help, so I was using the stress and overwhelm to get people to move on my behalf, without taking the hit to my ego, because I grew up with a message that having needs made me a burden and that was a weakness. True personal freedom is when you stop reacting to life and start choosing how you want to respond. Of course, this doesn't happen all at once. Having a resilient nervous system plays a huge role in this. When I lived in constant fight-or-flight, or what's known as functional freeze, it took time to learn to stop reacting and start responding. But remember, especially in the beginning, the body has its reactions and many of which you cannot control in those first few seconds. So give yourself a lot of race.
Speaker 1:
You are not the stories you tell, you are the author. Think of it like this At any given moment, we are telling ourselves either a negative red light story or a positive green light story. Red light stories keep us held back while green light stories move us forward. Have you ever wanted to reach out to a potential or past client and then told yourself in your mind a red light story as to why they wouldn't be interested. Then here comes the fear. We get stopped by the fear. By the way, fear is not a clue that we are doing something wrong or scary, only how the primitive part of our brain tries to keep us safe.
Speaker 1:
If you're a nervous system, feel safe. You don't have a saber-toothed tiger chasing you. It's safe to push past that fear and do it anyways. Now a little disclaimer. Let's say you've had a lot of trauma in your life and you have a really big fear about being seen. I'm not the kind of coach who's going to tell you just get on Reels on Instagram and push through the fear. When your whole body is screaming, I don't feel safe. If you're a nervous system does not feel safe. If you are having a body reaction, you need to deal with that first. But if your body feels safe and it's just your mind being, I'm afraid. I'm afraid. That is when you can push through, but not if your body is involved. Just want to say that disclaimer.
Speaker 1:
I know that's not an excuse not to do Reels If it aligns with your business plan. I'm telling you, when I first did this podcast, I was petrified. I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa. And now I could do this in my sleep. Well, I don't mean it like flippantly, but I love it. I love being here, I love showing up in this space. That's how we build confidence.
Speaker 1:
Confidence isn't self-worth. Confidence and self-worth Two different things. Confidence is doing something, a lot and getting good at it. Like, I am super confident at teaching workshops I have done I stopped counting at 50. And a big portion of my workshops aren't okay. We're all gathering and doing a few things. My workshops are events. I think at my largest workshop I had four assistants. I had two hairstylists plus their assistants. I had a caterer and her assistant. My workshops are productions and because I did so many and got good at it, real good at it, I was confident. But for so many years I still struggled with horrible, horrible self-worth. Because those are two different things.
Speaker 1:
Okay, let's get back on topic. And then we imagine negative outcomes for actions we haven't even taken yet. It's impossible to know exactly how people are going to react to you or even why, but we get good at thinking of each possible negative outcome in order to protect ourselves from the surprise of rejection. Is it really a surprise, though? So many of us live life expecting rejection, abandonment, negative responses and so forth. We expect it. Therefore, we get it. Why what you focus on, you create more of and attract more of it in your life. It's not woo, it's science, and I believed toward the end of episode number 43, I talked about this science. So, instead of facing the fear or working through it, we buffer, which is numbing or distracting, actions like going on social media, netflix binges or getting ready to get ready, or things that sound like progress, like endless podcast listening. That's like me. It's all avoidance based, buffering BS.
Speaker 1:
So let's imagine a client books you and you have a wonderful connection, a fun session with beautiful images produced At the sales session. They order nothing or have a low order. And how many ways are you going to make that about you, make you as a person? What if it wasn't you? It isn't, but instead you told yourself a red light story about what they can and cannot afford and, in doing so, did not clearly communicate pricing information, leaving the client confused and feeling frustrated at the ordering session. This is why I teach that you must be an energetic match to your pricing how you price your work. Notice I didn't say price yourself how you price your work has to align with your nervous system. I see this with my coaching clients all the time. They struggle with an inner wobble over their pricing and because of this they don't clearly communicate with confidence their pricing to their clients. Your clients will then reflect back that inner wobble that's going to show up in your sales. When we are confident about our pricing it acts like a stable foundation for us to build the session. Clients feel secure because of this foundation and trust you as the expert. So it's not you, but because you don't like you or you don't trust you or you struggle with you. It shows up in the stories you tell, causing you not to show up in your full power as a photographer and business owner. This leaves a lot of room for error and clients reveal these things to us by way of smaller orders, missed appointments, attitudes, etc.
Speaker 1:
When you start to become aware of red light stories, you can feel a bit overwhelming or daunting. How many do you have to work through? Honestly, if you tackle your red light core story, a lot of the lesser little red light stories almost work themselves out like untangling a knot. So let's talk about red light core stories as I wrap things up. Your core story is the story you tell about yourself. Your story was formed in childhood, often in part by your caregivers or by the assumptions you made or believed with your young mind. If your core story is based on you not being enough, then you will see yourself and others and the world through a lens of fear and scarcity.
Speaker 1:
One time in my 20s I was in a hurry to leave for a photo session and I could not find my sunglasses. I have very light green eyes that are super sensitive to the sun, so I always like to have sunglasses on me. I reached that what the F level of frustration and then I realized, duh, they are on my freaking face. And then I had this other realization because, by the way, my sunglasses were pink, not like barely there whisper of a pink, but more in your face, barbie pink. How on earth did I not realize the world around me was pink? Wouldn't that like tip me off that the glasses were on my face?
Speaker 1:
Our core beliefs are like those pink sunglasses we see the world around us and ourselves through the filter of what we believe. It's an inbuilt bias that, for most of us, we can't see until we get in there and do this work. Why does this matter? You will base your future on your past results. That is how brains work. If you go to the past to create your future, then you're only going to create more of your past. If, right now, you were desiring a future that is very different than what you've experienced up until now, you have to change your beliefs. Period If you operate with pink sunglasses of fear and scarcity, you will attract to you others friends, clients, etc.
Speaker 1:
That are also looking to attract fear and scarcity. You will receive what you are looking for confirmation bias and you won't even be aware of it. Some of my coaching clients say I know, oh, I know that, yeah, you do. But I know that you know this by looking at the results of your life. Look at your results. If you don't have the results in life, in business, in relationships that you want, then it's because you may have an issue with your core story. I'm going to post a link in the show notes with a free download to a core stories worksheet. You can print it out and go through and figure out your core story or stories and work through it to dismantle them. Your red light core story is like the lead domino. Once it falls, others fall behind it.
Speaker 1:
If you discover a negative core belief, get alone and get quiet and ask yourself this question how old was I when this belief was formed? And go with the first thought that pops into your mind, as is our you were young, under seven years old. Children ages seven or eight years old or younger are living life in what's known as theta brainwave state. Theta state is essentially the state of hypnosis. You still experience theta state as an adult 10 minutes before you fall asleep, in the first 10 minutes when you wake up, as well as during meditation or deep prayer. As a child, everything you heard, saw or experienced or were told went straight into your subconscious mind with no filter and became the programming you operate in today. As many of you may know, our subconscious runs 95% of our lives, with our conscious brain running about the remaining 5% Give or take. Furthermore, as a young child, your prefrontal cortex wasn't fully developed, so you could not think rationally or logically. You weren't capable of thinking thoughts like oh I shouldn't take daddy's anger personally. He's clearly numbing out by drinking and being quite the dick. I'm going to go color now. No. Children thinks the world revolves around them and all things happening in that world are because of them. They think their daddy's anger is because they are bad, unlovable or unworthy. So when you sit with your negative core beliefs and realize it was created by a 7-year-old you, it's easier to let go of that belief because again, it was created by a hurt or scared 7-year-old. Many grown, powerful adults which you are today.
Speaker 1:
This episode is getting long and I want to keep on topic, but I highly recommend inner child work. I used to roll my eyes at the idea of it back in the day but along with somatic work, nothing has given me quicker results like it. Many consider John Bradshaw the pioneer of inner child work and in the show notes I will link to an 8-minute video. That's very powerful. It's from when he was on the Oprah Show in the 90s. Now I'm not an Oprah fan, but the exercise he walks you through may help you get some results. Okay, that was a lot of information, but it was good information.
Speaker 1:
One thing I'm not going to do on this podcast is bring you filler. If I don't have anything potent or powerful to say, then I'm not going to do an episode. I hope you found today's episode very helpful and that it resonated with you. Before we go, I want to tell you something that is very, very true about you. You are worthy, you are lovable, you are enough. Something that you believe that says otherwise needs to go for you and for your kids.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for listening. I so appreciate you being here and I always welcome reviews on Apple podcasts. This tells Apple to get my message out to more people. If something resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. Just DM me on Instagram link in the show notes. It's going to be 50 degrees a few days this week here in Pittsburgh. Sometimes I'll open the weather app in the town that we just moved from, in SoCal, and I'm like, okay, I shouldn't do this. It's not good for my mental health. I remember then, 50 degree days in SoCal meant I had a fire going in the fireplace all day because I was absolutely freezing. It's amazing how our beliefs change. Until next time, thank you for listening to the Six Figure Photographer Podcast.